I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
