I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
