i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
