no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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