Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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