How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
