is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
