Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
