tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
