i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
