I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
