all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
