this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
smell my finger.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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