So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
