Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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