need another drink. this is the easiest way
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
