Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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