i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
