What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this will be a night to untag.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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