erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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