Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
