I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think my vagina is haunted
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
