Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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