It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
