dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
