Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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