im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
