um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
