Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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