My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You made out with two different species that night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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