dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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