Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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