Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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