So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
