I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
