Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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