please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
