Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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