you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
