I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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