John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I will pee on everything he values.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
