the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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