I just saw a hot homeless man
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
