Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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