Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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