Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
