the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
