Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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