The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
