why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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