4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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