I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
