wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
