So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
