I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
