you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
