what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
