Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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