Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
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Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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