Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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