I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
