in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
