So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
