i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
