hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
