i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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