I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
