you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
