Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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