dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
