i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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