it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
