Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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