it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
