bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
