Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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